Sooo Siiick!

I get sick from time to time. It usually follows a bout of insomnia. This recent sickness though was something for the books. The whole right side of my face was swollen.


Yep, that's right.It started with just 2 welts that look like innocent insect bites, on on the tip of my right brow and one smack dab on my cheekbone. Then a day later I get a fit of dry cough and fever. Then the day after that, my face swells up. I've had some allergy attacks, but never like this, and never with fever. I took benadryl and was practically knocked out for a day or two. My fever's better now and the swelling has subsided, though the area under my eye is still swelling a little.


Well, the good thing about getting sick (yes I'm trying to put a positive spin on this) is that it keeps me from the tables. Funny thing about tilt, or at least when I tilt, is that I want to keep playing. It's like if I play another session, I would realize that all the bad sessions were just a dream. Now we all know that's not the case. So yeah in a way I'm thankful I had one of the worst allergy attacks I've had ever. Also, benadryl is awesome for insomnia.

So now I'm on my way to Baguio. Hopefully the cool air of my hometown will help clear my head  All you people on your breaks, enjoy yourselves.

In Due Time

It's official, I'm on tilt.

And it's mostly not even about poker. Life variance I'd like to call it. And no, nothing really serious like injury or death or disaster or whatnot, just a bunch of irritations that pile up and ultimately mess with my head.

I'm still in this breakeven funk with a losing bias. It's starting to get to me. It's irritating to lose the progress you've worked for, and it's doubly irritating that the irritation you're experiencing is affecting your progress. It's a vicious cycle.

I'm going to prioritize playing online. Been focusing on live more these past few, and it's messing with my online game. Gonna work on my online game again and as coach said translate it to my live game, not the other way around.


I'm gonna grind away online, and I hope in due time things turn positive.

I still don't know why I'm on edge. I know I'm busy and I have lots of things to do, but I feel like there's something I haven't quite checked. Maybe that's the poker part. Hmmm, most likely the poker part.

It is Finished

The funny thing about December is that it's the month where things end and other things are about to begin.

I've recently graduated from the APA VIP Training Program! Handshakes for everyone! I was especially anxious about the final requirements - I didn't want to look like a moron after going through the training. So much for that, I absolutely did look like a moron. It's kinda tilting to be unsure about things, and it's even more tilting when you're sure you messed up. Well, there's no point crying over spilled milk - especially when apparently you've done a good enough job cleaning it up. I'm proud to say I've learned a lot from the program and that it has changed my view of the game. So that's that. WOOHOO!

I'd like to thank my coaches RON and RAMIL for having the patience and generosity to teach us and help us. Also I'd like to thank my classmates Albert and Johann, it was a blast learning with you and from you. Ok, enough of this, I'm starting to sound like a beauty pageant contestant.

I'm in the process of moving out of my place into the new place we got. Finally got the permit to move, yeah, this story is so tilting I don't even want to share it. I've moved some stuff already, though it's mostly the non-essential stuff. My friend RJ's gonna handle things from now on, so I won't have to sue/murder people.

I've been busy these past few days. I've been traveling a lot handling some business crap I have to do. Don't get me wrong, I like handling my ventures, I just don't like the feeling of being busy. Maybe that's why I love poker. I'll be back in town later, hopefully to catch some of the tournament action at the Metro or get some action from the early bustouts at Midas.

I'm trying not to grind online while I'm fixing business stuff. Playing with have an unfocused brain will surely cost me money. But from the recent short sessions I had in between work I find I'm building an upward momentum again. Been minding my plays and my opponents more and it seems to be paying off.

This blog's turning more and more into a life blog than just a poker blog. I've been thinking of making other blogs for my non-poker writing, but then who'll read them? Do I want to write for writing's sake or do I want to write for an audience? Maybe the RSS feed can be based on entry tags, so for example only my poker tagged entries will be broadcast in pokermanila's blogroll. I'll look into that. Thinking about making other blogs makes me not want to do it.

Focal Points

So yeah, still on the topic of focus.

First off, I don't think having a hand quota per session suits me. It just doesn't work for me. It didn't work a few months ago, and it doesn't work now. I don't really know why I tried to do it again. So now I'm gonna measure them by length in time. I've decided to keep my sessions (absurdly) short - like an hour to an hour thirty, but mostly leaning towards one hour. Based on my weeklong study of my online grind, symptoms of distraction/tilt usually come up around the 1:30 mark of a grind, and my performance peaks towards the 2/3 mark of the session, so that makes 1 hour to an hour 30 my ideal length of session. I just have to add more sessions per day to make a decent amount of hands per week.

Also, I think I need to add more tables. My original plan was to reduce tables to better adjust to the game at my current limit, but all it did was make me too involved in hands. And I mean too involved in 2 ways:  I enter a bit more pots than I should and the outcome of the hands affect me more as I can totally see what's happening in all my tables. I'm only currently 4 tabling max, so for this week I'm gonna add 1 or 2 until I feel like I'm not too concerned about any one hand at a time. Hope this works. If you have some advice, drop a comment below.

I'm currently studying the intricacies of CBetting and Double Barreling. I feel (know) that I'm CBetting too often, and I find there are times when I find reasons to stop barreling when I should've barreled and vice versa. But still, I know cbetting too much is exploitable, and I've already felt some regs try this - not to mention I've been doing this to robo-regs as well. And my double barreling needs some work too - something I'm doing just doesn't feel right. I should focus on fixing this part of my game, because if I feel like I'm having trouble now then for sure I'm gonna have trouble in the higher limits. If you have some good resources, drop a comment below.

Anyway, I'm just starting to bounce back from a losing streak. I came close to a 10BI crash, but I'm now managing to pull the throttle up and gain some altitude back. It's interesting to know that I'll be having a new neighbor in the stakes I'm playing (yes that's you Francis). The 2nd batch guys are catching up, but it's more like I'm slowing down. I haven't been playing as much as I should - they're playing 3 times as many hands as me and are working 3 times as hard - at least. I'm still working on my focus, but it's getting there don't worry.  It's nice to see people's hard work paying off, it inspires me to work harder and focus more (at least in theory). And now I get to have someone to have some serious discussions with about strategy in the stakes I'm playing.

It's a long way from NL30 to NL50, so I better get my focus on! My hands played for last month was a joke, Daredevil (Rene) can most likely do it in a session or two. This month isn't looking good either volume-wise, too many other things competing for my attention. I'll be coming back from Pampanga later today I hope, then off to the grind once more.

Oh, one more thing, I'm feeling good about the upcoming 5M Metro Christmas Tournament. Will be trying out some satellites this week, but if those don't pan out it only means the universe wants me to be staked.

Focus Damn You!

Have you watched the WSOP 2010 final table? I didn't expect it to feel like a boxing match, with the players entering one at a time accompanied by girls carrying cards showing their seat number.Aand Bruce Buffer announcing "It's TIIIIMMEE!" followed by "Shuffle Up and Deal" didn't help. Lol. Well, now that I got that out of the way, onto the main topic.

I haven't been playing a lot online recently. And it doesn't help that when I do, I drop huge sums. Maybe I shouldn't force it, or maybe I should keep on diving in and let my "EV" kick in (if it were positive to start with). One thing's for sure, I need structure. And Focus.

I'm involved with a lot of things and my focus is really scrambled. There's poker then there's online poker then there's my other ventures then there's looking for a place. I hope when I settle in the new place I can also settle into a new rhythm. I won't be playing online for the rest of the month, or until I settle all these settling business.

With the live grind deal about to be in full swing, I have decided not to touch my income from other assets and live solely from poker. Why? So I'll be pot-committed, so to speak. I have the this theory that in doing this will force me to play like I mean it - to play like my life depended on it, because to a degree it will.

The first problem I see is I'll be having a harder time switching between online and live. Right now I don't even know which one's going to be my bread and butter, but I know it can be done either way. The way I see it is I will get my rent money from rakeback, and employ some sort of bankroll management with a reward system, similar to this:

I like this system because it adds motivation, and that'll surely help me increase my volume. I might need some input making a system that suits my needs.


I had some conversations with some peers and they all pointed out the same thing. I seem to be everywhere at once. I'm always involved in more than one project. I handle multiple ventures at a time. I can't seem to devote my whole attention to just one thing, and that could prove fatal.

So I asked around and browsed around for some advice to improve focus and concentration, and the recurring them is that I need a routine or a ritual. When I first saw the word ritual I immediately thought animal sacrifices and I thought I wouldn't mind slitting a goat's throat every week if it means improving my focus. If only it were that easy. It was a common advice to do something that will ease you into the mindset of doing the task you have to do. Something like warming up and shadow-boxing before entering the ring to fight.

So I plan on making it my pre-grinding ritual to read at least one COTW of 2p2 or one poker concept article before I grind. I don't know if this will be enough of a warm up, maybe I should add something else. But for now I guess that'll do. I'll let you know how it works out. Wish me luck.

Healthy Body = Healthy Soul = Healthy Mind

My girlfriend reminded me to stay away from caffeine, not just for my sleep but also for my playing. So yeah, maybe I have to let go of caffeine again, even tea. Caffeine may wake me up temporarily, but I think it makes me lose focus, or at least maybe it's the crash after. It also makes me agitated, animated and talkative and overall uncomfortable. I think I'm better off without it, I'll just order hot water when I'm playing. Or bring my own herbal tea.

Which reminds me, I think when I'm playing live I play too long. But it's not like online where you can close tables in a click and browse the internet or whatnot, there's a lack of things to do in between sessions. I wonder how I'll keep optimum focus on the tables. Do I divide my sessions into two sittings as opposed to a long one? Do I take longer breaks as opposed to the quick trip to the bathroom? If I were a smoker this would be much easier, but that's out of the question.

I've been getting a lot of healthy body = healthy soul = healthy mind reminders lately. I suppose I should be setting some goals on improving my overall well being. I've lost a considerable amount of weight, and I've stopped working out and training months ago. I have this elbow injury that I haven't consulted the doctor about, so I have to do that first before I start working out/training again. I aim to hit 140lbs gaining muscle weight, with or without the aid of supplements. No steroids please. Hmmm, maybe I should aim to do 200 pushups and situps again just to get me close to the same shape I was before. That or I find a boxing gym/muay thai/mma gym somewhere and start training again.

Also, I don't remember the last time I went out on a Saturday night and grabbed a drink or two.I don't even remember the last time I saw my close friends. We're in a time in our lives where we each have our own shtick, and schedules don't really cooperate. And I sure as hell can't remember the last time I went to the beach or even saw the sea (seeing it from Marcos Highway in Baguio does not count). I want to go to Anawangin Cove in Zambales because it's not commercialized. Camp out under the trees, swim in the beach, trek up the hills, no hotels, no cellphones, just nature at it's finest. Yeah that would be awesome.

So cliffs. No more caffeine, consult a doctor, find a place to work out/train, work out/train, go out more, go to the beach before the year ends.

Moving!

I'm in a sweet live grind deal under APA. I dunno if I can disclose the details, but I can surely say this is a great starter pack for aspiring poker pros. They really do know how to take care of their "kids". I'm still deciding/feeling out how often and how long I can play but I've already let them know of my tentative schedule.

I need to find a place around ortigas area so that I won't have to travel far to grind. My current rent is dirt cheap but the commute will surely cost me so might as well add my transportation budget to my rent budget and find a place near my grind.

I'm looking for a studio apartment/room for 5k/month or a house/condo that I can split with a few friends I've talked to (I'd prefer to keep it 3 max including me). I'd I know renting a house/condo can be more expensive than renting a room somewhere but the amenities might just make up for the extra expense. My budget is based on my computation of my current rent plus the approximate commute expense I'd be incurring if I choose not to move.

Self Improvement

Another Month Another Level Another Challenge!

November is looking good so far. I've been doing ok online and I've moved up another stake. The games are considerably tougher though and it looks a little bit like reg-town so I gotta step up my game and get rid of those bad habits. It's harder to push players around and it doesn't pay to play chill and slightly passive anymore. HUD use would be essential, and studying the intricacies of the game will feel necessary and compulsory real soon.

So first stop we have to set some new playing goals. As you can see on the widget on the right I've changed some of my target stats (thanks coach Ron). I guess the extra PFR will come from squeezing, employing blind gambits (squeezing limpers, picked up this term from 2p2) and restealing. Maybe I can 3bet lighter in general but that needs some study and some decent hands sample size from my opponents. Turn AF will probably take care of itself as I don't plan to be on the calling end as often as in the micros. And that W$WSF would probably be easier in this stake since there'll be less limp pots or multiway raised pots. I've also bookmarked a list of poker readings that can help me move up easily. I guess one reading a day will do me loads of good.

I've been playing to "not lose" as opposed to playing to win or making the right decisions some weeks ago, but I don't feel it as strongly now. I have a long blog entry draft on the subject but I decided not to publish it since I felt it's only a phase. The next time I feel it I guess I'll have to go back to that draft and see what I did to overcome it or what triggers it in the first place. I've decided to put a mantra widget on the bottom of every post to remind me how I should be playing. For now I'll borrow coach's article on the proper mindset until I need to remind myself about other things.

I Win, I Lose, I Learn

Well, this month has been interesting to say the least.

I won the TPC Rock the Dream event at Midas Touch, the price being an APT Macau package. Still not thinking about this, as I have people behind me. It was nice to win one. I sincerely believe that the winner take all format helped my game. I keep telling my tablemates that there will be no regrets to what I do, since there's no bubble. Hmmm, that's it, I guess there's not much to talk about. Thank you Jester Intia and Ron Regis of APA.

Next tournament, the Actors' Guild Charity 2M event. Busted out on level 2, the quintessential setup KK vs. AA. The said holder of AA eventually won the whole thing (congrats reggie_g) so I guess it's meant to be. To be honest, this was the tournament I really wanted to win. I told coach about it and he said maybe my different mindsets in the different tournaments really change my game. In the TPC i was playing to win it. I couldn't say I did not do the same at the 2M tournament, it was merely a bad run of cards. But I will remember to always play to win it. No regrets.

For my online grind, I was running so bad my EV line and my green line are making a wide angle. Despite this string of bad luck, I managed to grind away and recoup some (part, most, a little bit, im not sure. I think half and some) of my losses.

Been playing a lot of live cash games lately. It's nice to play live after weeks of online. It reminds you that people are interesting, and that you can still be surprised by the world (in the form of a tagalog speaking korean). Poker-wise, I get to observe my game under a microscope and see what I lack (which is aggression for the most part, and the lack of gall to pull triggers on obvious signs of weakness. This I got to apply online, which was soo fun. I've never 3betted and squeezed so much before hahaha. I hope i can do the same live.

I realize that it's not even the end of the month yet, so no closing remarks as of yet. Sorry if this entry is poorly constructed, I dont usually take caffeine so i'm on overdrive. At least I still use spacing and punctuation. Til next time.

Good Everything Bad Everything

Running incredibly under EV. The fishes I was fishing dragged me under the water, outdrawing me every time. at any rate, I wanted them in there so there. Time to swim back up and start fishing again soon.

Still on my vampire sleeping arrangement, sleeping at 12noon and waking up at 8pm. It's like I live in another timezone. Good thing there are lots of 24hour food places here. Sigh, I dont like the feeling of going to bed after a bad session but what can you do.

Poker IS My Business

I'm fresh from a business trip of sorts, coupled with some personal stuff. I've read and reread The Poker Mindset and Treat Your Poker Like a Business, and it has helped me a lot with my playing mindset (not to mention I felt really guilty not playing as much because I'm busy with other stuff). In the small grind sessions that I've had, I got some pretty good results. Having a positive and professional mindset when playing really helps your game.

Exhibit A.

Here is a session where I tried to play beyond my optimal state. I was tired, it was late, and still I wanted to press on. This should've been a good session, but the lack of discipline and honesty to myself got me in the end. You can see distinctly where optimal playing stopped. Now this is the problem that I've tried to address. My Poker Is My Business, and as any business owner would, I would like to keep my business functioning optimally. Also, you should not dwell on the "should've been" (like this session should've been a big winning session). That would just cause unnecessary stress, and stress leads to suboptimal performance.

Exhibit B.

Here is a fine example of a session where I was constantly asking myself if I am still ok. I was asking myself if I wanted to quit, and why. Am I being outdrawn or was I playing poorly? A took a quick break, and I started fresh, and it all went up from there. My Poker is my business, and as any business owner should be, I have to be honest about the results of my business decisions, and should honestly discern whether the loss was circumstantial or if it was because of poor business decisions. This is tricky especially when losing. I've previously stuck to a stop loss, and I never evaluated my state of performance when I reach the amount, I just instantly shut everything down. Though some people might find this as a good thing, it gave me some sort of negative momentum, and I keep logging losses. I guess in a way I was being results oriented, that losing that much instantly meant I am not playing well.

What I've learned from the two mindset books is that it is all in the state of mind which influences the state of play. I was too negative in my thinking that my graph kept plummeting, and it took a major breather and a total change in mindset to stop the crash of my graph. It also reinforced the idea that poker is all about making the right decision. If you play for any other reason, you're not playing optimally. I remember a good chunk of my APA training that I was focused on making the quota of the number of hands. I was not so versed with multitabling yet at the time. (I used to multitable before APA, but it seems I was not focusing enough on my decisions, so I redid my thought process hence removing multitabling powers). This lead to a lot of suboptimal sessions focusing on the number of hands - and I ended up not reaching the quota anyway due to stop losses. DOUBLE TILT! Now I know better, and hopefully I keep up a positive and professional mindset.


Fact of the matter is, I'm just a kid trying to play a game for a living. Who knew this requires a great deal of maturity and professionalism? To be successful at this, you have to eliminate the holywood image of professional poker as all fun with no responsibilities and worries. Truth is, this career has a much heavier responsibility - you are accountable to yourself for everything. It all boils down to being MATURE and PROFESSIONAL about this choice of career. True, it's nice to be your own boss, but in this business your boss should be the smart, skillful and stern. If his employee doesn't work, both of them won't earn. (Yes, Im talking about a single person, just in case you got confused - I was.)

Now, like any business, there should be set goals of periods of time. I'm about done with my other business engagements and my personal stuff will always be there, so no need to overly worry about them now. I hope to reenter the scene with a  bang, so I'm going to set goals for my return. That's for the next entry.

Bad Player, Bad Call, Bad Beat - It's All Good

2nd day of live grind I dropped a huge sum. It's been a while since I've been stacked, and it's really not an experience I'd like to repeat. I know I should be mature enough not to rant about bad beats dealt to you by bad players making bad calls, but I am only human.

I hope I see you the next time I drop by and I hope you make the same call with your gutshot, and the only thing that's gonna be different is you won't be having that shit-eating grin. It's players like you that pay for my rent and puts food on my plate. I thank you in advance.

I played good,- with one good read bad play but generally good. I folded Aces on a dry board vs. a reraise which is a good fold. I won a pot or two read wise, and lost one because I didn't bet. I knew he had nothing, but I chose to bring it to showdown - he had the best nothing while I had the second best nothing, what are the odds. I should've evaluated it on a per-street basis and not focus on getting to showdown, that was the key mistake.

Took a break, chilled a bit, and checked my game. We're good to go.

Going to the lower limit tables, I was doing great. It was an easy game. Ever since I adapted this thinking I actually played a lot better. Whenever I tell myself it's an easy game, decisions become clearer. No paranoia, just solid poker. And it pays really well.

Gamblers fed me, but in the end their gamble hit me back. I do so love his call. I loathed it then, but in retrospect I love it. In the long run I'll be filthy rich with his play. Quoting Jester - lengthen the perspective; when you do, you'll love his call.

Shrug it off and clear your mind. Untangle your net and go back fishing.

I Fail as a blogger

I do so want to write regularly, but I just cant seem to maintain a regular blog.

Anyway, It's been almost a month since my last update. I'm still in a breakeven rut and it's starting to wear down my already pessimistic and ever so unmotivated soul. It's time to update regularly. I keep leaving notes to myself in my email about how i played with my HH attached, so why not do it here. I guess I totally forgot I had a blog. No more.

Stay tuned.

Week 4 Day 1

Starting Bankroll: 230.30
Ending Bankroll: 231.51
Profit Today: $1.21
Hands: 455

APA Meeting today, and I was late as hell. I'm not a fan of excuses, but I was a victim of circumstance. Well, more like freakish coincidence with a little bit of cosmic spite. Nevermind, I won't go through the details. My "classmates" pointed out that I have a high-ish WTSD percentage. I should work on that. Less WTSD, more W$WSF. And this week's homework, a script for decision making.

Today's grind was very lackluster. I'll try to be honest to myself and name the reasons why I think this session sucks. Here's my graph for the day, click to enlarge.

a. I violated my rule of not playing more than 1 hour 30 minutes per session, I tend to feel tired and when I'm  tired I make less than optimal decisions.
b. I was tired to begin with.
c. Still sort of tilty from last week.
d. Chatting with business buddy.

Will work on a list of goals and post it here or on the gadget to the right of this page, so I'll always remember what I'm aiming for. I'll also make a work schedule. Time to up the ante discipline-wise.

Suck my Tilt!

Week 3 of the APA training program is done, and it has been a rough ride.

To catch you up; what does John Grisham, Brian Koppelman / David Levien and Jackie Chan have in common? They can all write a movie about the last 3 weeks of my life. (note: There are plans for a sequel to Rounders, starring Leonardo DiCaprio and is focused on online poker! Cant wait!)

In a mix of legal drama, poker and violence I have managed to keep myself sane - well whatever counts as sane these days. The first week of grinding was OK, I was off to a good start. Week 2 suffered greatly , not money wise, but in the number of hours I spent grinding. Got back in the middle of week 3, which also started out great but then lady luck got all hard to get. I ran bad, and played worse because of tilt. (No grimy details, it's too personal.)

Now, what is tilt? Googling reveals that tilt has more definitions than you can guess. Pop Quiz!

a. A medieval combat sport
b. A blunt instrument
c. A bias or favor to one side
d. The act of making something uneven or sloped or the state thereof.
e. A conflict, spat or debate
f. All of the above

Congratulations to you if you chose letter F. Notice that there's a common theme here: tilt is not pleasant. And all of the definitions seem to tell us tilt can give us a headache, either from falling of a horse, blunt force trauma, screaming, slipping, or from a pistol-whipping communist rebel. (Oh, I see you trying to match these to the list above.)

Tilt, in poker speak, is a state of mental confusion or frustration in which a player adopts a less than optimal strategy. In other words, it's when you bitch about sh*t and you play like sh*t because you're such a bitch. This is every poker player's worst enemy. And coupled with denial, it could suck your bankroll dry like a... well, I'd rather not complete the simile.

I hope there's some drug you can take to make tilt go away, because I need one bad. Unfortunately, the only thing that can help you is discipline. Know you're on tilt and acknowledge it. Stay away from the tables and try to cool down. Think things through and know why you're on tilt. Recall if your play was correct, and if it is, take comfort in the fact that in the long run you'll earn from what you did. Badbeats happen, that's poker. Go over your plan of action again and regain focus. Do not play again until you've done all this and have leveled yourself again. (Get it? Leveled as opposed to Tilt? I did not plan that.)

Reasons why I'm tilted right now:
1. Stupid freakin goalwin missing dollars.
2. Playing while talking to goalwin support who thinks I'm some pathetic asswipe who's crying over $15 freakin dollars that I lost in a game. IT'S A SECURITY ISSUE ASSHOLE!
3. Talking to said asswipe support while running bad.
4. Running bad.
5. Running bad. 

Ah, there. I feel better already.

Alas! A Blog!

So here you are, staring at what seems to be the beginning of something interesting. I hope you wont be disappointed, and I hope I wont go broke.

Drop a comment so I know I'm being watched. I tend to behave when people are around.