Poker Saved My Life - Though Not the Way You Think

A few days before the new year, while in a steak buffet at a Gary V concert in a country club (curse you Gary V), I felt a sharp burning pain in my abdomen. I dismissed it as hyperacidity like the moron that I was, and kept on chowing. 

I had my elbow broken, fractured my heel, torn my big toe's ligament, busted my skull open, had a slipped vertebra, and I have been stabbed in the back with a nail cutter's folding knife (long story). None of these compared to the pain I experienced later that night. A trip to the ER reveals that my gallbladder 5 times the normal size and was about to explode. This is also the start of my love affair with prescription opiate painkillers. 

How Poker Saved My Life #1 - Thanks to my bankroll, I'm not dead. 

Granted it took my entire bankroll and a chunk of my life roll, but it's a small price to pay to not be dead. Good thing I had decently substantial roll that time. "But dude, don't you have a family to take care of you and pay for your life saving hospital shiznits?" Yeah I do, but I'd rather die before I throw my weight around. A grown man shouldn't run to mommy when he has a booboo. I'm not saying asking for help is bad, hell I think it's healthy. It's just that I ate all those steaks, so I get to pay the price, and then pay the price. Quick clarification: it wasn't the steaks per se that busted my gallbladder -it was merely the trigger that pushed an underlying condition to the surface. 

How Poker Saved My Life #2 - Poker taught me to consider the long run. 

Six months later I am still on a strict diet. I opted to skip the cholecystectomy until I've sufficiently reduced my gallbladder's size. That way they don't have to hack my side open and use robots and lasers instead for a much less invasive and painful procedure. This also makes my condition a lot more expensive (again prescription opiate painkillers, check those out). But it's that or never being able to do strenuous activities again, not with a huge gash of messed up muscles in my side.

Though the infection was quickly cured, the swelling would take year or so to fully subside. That's a year or so of no burgers, steaks and pretty much everything I like to eat. I force myself to see it as a blessing in disguise since I ought to clean up my diet and get fit for training anyway. 

Speaking of training, I've recently returned to training after taking it easy for 5 months as per doctor's orders. I should be taking it easy for the whole year but screw that. I have a life to live. Hell I actually went back to training 2 months after the incident, though I was still seriously ill and Herb Dean had to step in and stop the fight. Speaking of Herb Dean...

How Poker Saved My Life #3 - Poker taught me how and when to fold/tap. 

Like poker, MMA training also requires you to put your ego in check. Unchecked egos lead to injured limbs and passing out. Thanks to poker, I tap whenever I should, and always ask my coaches what I can do to remedy that hole in my game. Poker taught me to not try to focus on being better than my opponent, but instead just focus on being better.

Sadly I see some people in the gym who don't seem to get this concept of learning. To them it's about superiority and winning every sparring match. Well guess what, you don't get a medal for winning a sparring match. Not that they won any, or that there are winners in sparring matches. Also, sorry about that standing guillotine - you should have tapped ages ago. 

I have a tendency to be stubborn. I should have gone straight to the hospital when the fistful of antacids didn't help me one bit. Had I stubbornly waited out my abdominal pain later that night I could have easily died.

I always make a lot of MMA - Poker metaphors in my head. But that's for another day. As for poker, I've never played a hand since I used my roll. I'll go back for sure, but for now I'm still enjoying the grind I'm in.

Grind of the Body and Mind

Just in case you have the wrong mental image, no, i'm not grinding my body for a living.

I'm on my 5th or 6th week of MMA training - yey me! I've noticed a significant improvement in my energy level and cardio and strength, though it's still not enough to hang with the big boys. I'm planning on upping my training frequency to 4-5 times a week and jog in the mountains once a week. That ought to get me into shape. As for technique, I think I'm still pretty decent on my feet, owing much to my Muay Thai experience. I suck at wrestling, my base is all over the place. On the ground I *could* do ok but I gas way too quickly to implement anything.

I have a new-found respect for professional fighters. Apparently training is freakin hard as balls. So far I only do it 3 times a week. They do it 6 days a week, 2-3 times a day. And training up here in the mountains is something else. I remember my first week where I couldn't even breath after a round. I do better now, but I still have a long way to go to get into a decent cardio condition.

On my 3rd week of training I injured my left big toe. It's now close to 4 weeks and it still isn't completely healed, but at least now I can train without using sports tape and support for it. Aside from that it's the usual bruised toes and feet, skinned elbows and blisters, but I don't mind those. Hopefully my big toe injury isn't anything serious.

Got caught in an armbar yesterday. Funny thing is he was cranking the whole way and my hyper-extendable elbows are more than accommodating. It didn't even hurt but it looked gnarly. I bet in a real match the referee will stop the fight that instant. My previous observation about Baguio fighters is still correct though, they're not much into the ground game. Good thing I have Gracie DVDs to supplement my ground game.

As for poker, I've been playing every now and then. Nothing as serious as before. Been having very good results, except for recently. MMA training helps that area too. It gives me an outlet for tilt. There's nothing like punching something or someone to release some stress.

I'll start chronicling my grind and my training again here. It helps to evaluate progress and put it into writing.

You're Doing It Wrong

I might have been too profit oriented when I first stabbed at short handed poker. Hell I even compared the points I earned between FR and SH based on the number of hours played crossed with the number of tables played per session. What the hell was I thinking?

I should've focused more on beating the game. I mean, I'm new to the whole SH game, I shouldn't be thinking about earning. I should be thinking about playing my best game and beating the limit. Looking back even further I shouldn't even be going up in limits as soon as my bankroll allows it. I should've moved up when my winrate shows that I've crushed the limit. Fixating on monetary will only lead to incredible pain and frustration - and it has.

Also, I haven't been able to play as much as I want/can/should. I have a lot of money riding on this venture I'm starting. This makes me more sensitive to the negative variance I experience. Funny enough, my roommate who I've recently introduced to poker can't seem to stop playing. I've played alongside him for a few sessions now and I say it helps with my focus. I had to answer alot of questions and line checks though but I'd like to think answering questions also help my game. I've been telling him about common mistakes, mistakes that are all too familiar with me. Hopefully he takes them seriously.

I've looked at my goals, and still I haven't made a pre-game routine/ritual. There are times when I feel like my mind isn't warmed up for poker, and I end up pulling a brain muscle - usually in the form of a spazz. I should always be in the right mindset before I play, that way I won't feel rushed and I won't feel frustrated with the usual ups and downs of the game. Tilt is the enemy, and I'm gonna grab every edge I can against it.


I probably won't post my pre-game routine. I'm gonna work on it as soon as I press Publish.

Before I Forget

Been getting busy every now and then. And before I forget, I want to share something.

                It seems I’ve been looking at things the wrong way these past few weeks/months. I’ve been told that I bite of more than I can chew. I’ve also been told that I have to choose just one pursuit at a time to not be swamped with it. I’ve also been told that I want too many things at the same time. I’ve even been told to just do one and quit the other. 

What I haven’t been told, or asked rather, is what I want to do.  

                

            That is a long, long list. A list with a lot of entries marked as done, and a lot more entries waiting to be crossed out. And I can't see myself not doing all of those before I die.

             There was I time that I kinda felt sick of it all, all the busy work and the all nighters and all the hassles of running things and fixing things and getting things and finding things and making things and making things work. 

             Then it hit me, "what am I whining about when I'm doing precisely what I've always wanted to do?"

I realized I wasn’t sick of being busy; I was sick of doing only one of the things I want to do, and not ALL the things I want to do.

 I was so sick of me being busy that I forgot to see what was I was actually doing. I was doing what I’ve always wanted to do. I may get butt-rape busy regularly but that’s part of the deal. (I dunno if that adjective works, I heard it somewhere and it sounds about right). I have to always keep in mind –nay - I have to always be thankful that I’m living my dream, or at least I’m on the right track. I am blessed to have a couple of ventures and get to play poker. So I'm done being negative about being busy because being busy is part of what I want to do. I can do without the negativity and reap the rewards and the happiness from doing the things I want to do.

So I go ahead and bite of more than I can chew, then I chew it. Who says I can't train and take wall climbing and play poker and handle businesses and learn how to juggle? What the mind can conceive, the body can achieve. I've always conceived it, now I'm on my way to achieving it.

I'm quite happy doing the things I do. 

Killing in the Name of... Grinding?

My girlfriend recently dug up Hitman: Silent Assassin and was asked me to play it with her .Well, it's a single player game so it's more like taking turns in trying strategies to get a Silent Assassin rating. While we were playing, she gets miffed when I just go guns a' blazing when I can't wait long enough for a silent kill. Kind of odd since I've finished this game at least twice before, and I've always regarded this installment of Hitman as the easiest. (Hitman Contracts takes the cake for challenge, Hitman Bloodmoney had better graphics and control but the challenge was meh). Then it hit me: this sounds eerily familiar to me. It sounds a lot like my poker recently, just substitute "guns a' blazing" with "spazz" and "silent kill" with "a better spot".

I mentioned this to my girlfriend. Her suggestion: Finish the game as a Silent Assassin before starting grinding seriously again.And the more I think about it, the more it sounds like a good idea. If I can't even be patient with something recreational like this game, then how can I expect to be patient in my grinding? If in my ventures, my impatience may get results (usually because the people I handle feel like they need to give results right away around me), but it doesn't really translate well to poker, and it doesn't work all the time. Maybe I still carry that mentality from the busy weeks I've had recently - and that has to go.

Anyway, it's nice to learn things about yourself;  Poker is all about self improvement anyway. It also helps a lot to have someone who cares so much about you that she supports you in everything you do, even if she doesn't particularly like what it is you do.

Bankroll Management Update ++

I will be going down two limits and will be employing a more conservative 50BI rule (will maybe change this to 40). This is to focus more on play than on going up, and reduce if not eliminate the feeling that my bankroll is threatened. I have to really watch how I play because recently I've been a spew machine (check previous post). Reviewing my hands was downright disgusting. Time to focus on improving my play, improving my patience and to not fixate on monetary goals and the number of hands I play. Maybe it's also a good time to try and implement that bankroll management system with the reward system. It maybe also a good time to start teaching my roommate poker, I heard teaching helps your personal game. Fingers crossed guys. Might need help soon so stay tuned.

*KAPOW!* *SOCK!* *WHAM!* *BIFF!*

"Holy knuckle duster Berto!!! Why are you punching yourself?!"

Because I made a stupid noob moronic play with AQ, that's why. I knew I was behind. I knew he had AK, only an AK would flat a 3bet in position and repop a cbet on an A high board. I knew it, I was absolutely sure of it, I was entirely convinced he had AK. Honest to goodness, I even felt it. How the holy hell did I conclude that 3bet shoving would be the best thing to do? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!


Because I'm still feeling rushed, that's why. I'm still rushing the big pots because I'm still in a race for time. I've been too busy these past few weeks that my poker time is so limited. And when I grind I feel like I'm on a time limit and that I should make the most out of it. That usually makes me do stupid things.


I think I'm gonna go down in limit for now to find my rhythm, much like what Albert is doing. It's better than having to move down bankrollwise, which is a little discouraging. I'm doing this to take the edge off, which is going to allow me to make a better grind structure, one that allows for some compromise without throwing a wrench in other aspects of my life. In theory I can think clearly when my bankroll is not as threatened, and the previous limit is the limit I crushed the most. I seek to find my rhythm, have some structure, build some confidence and get some momentum going.

I'M GOING TO FIND MY RHYTHM. I AM GOING TO FIND MY CENTER. I AM GOING TO MAKE THE RIGHT DECISIONS. I WILL NOT THINK ABOUT PROFITS OR TIME. I'M GOING TO CRUSH IT. LET'S DO THIS!