You're Doing It Wrong

I might have been too profit oriented when I first stabbed at short handed poker. Hell I even compared the points I earned between FR and SH based on the number of hours played crossed with the number of tables played per session. What the hell was I thinking?

I should've focused more on beating the game. I mean, I'm new to the whole SH game, I shouldn't be thinking about earning. I should be thinking about playing my best game and beating the limit. Looking back even further I shouldn't even be going up in limits as soon as my bankroll allows it. I should've moved up when my winrate shows that I've crushed the limit. Fixating on monetary will only lead to incredible pain and frustration - and it has.

Also, I haven't been able to play as much as I want/can/should. I have a lot of money riding on this venture I'm starting. This makes me more sensitive to the negative variance I experience. Funny enough, my roommate who I've recently introduced to poker can't seem to stop playing. I've played alongside him for a few sessions now and I say it helps with my focus. I had to answer alot of questions and line checks though but I'd like to think answering questions also help my game. I've been telling him about common mistakes, mistakes that are all too familiar with me. Hopefully he takes them seriously.

I've looked at my goals, and still I haven't made a pre-game routine/ritual. There are times when I feel like my mind isn't warmed up for poker, and I end up pulling a brain muscle - usually in the form of a spazz. I should always be in the right mindset before I play, that way I won't feel rushed and I won't feel frustrated with the usual ups and downs of the game. Tilt is the enemy, and I'm gonna grab every edge I can against it.


I probably won't post my pre-game routine. I'm gonna work on it as soon as I press Publish.

Before I Forget

Been getting busy every now and then. And before I forget, I want to share something.

                It seems I’ve been looking at things the wrong way these past few weeks/months. I’ve been told that I bite of more than I can chew. I’ve also been told that I have to choose just one pursuit at a time to not be swamped with it. I’ve also been told that I want too many things at the same time. I’ve even been told to just do one and quit the other. 

What I haven’t been told, or asked rather, is what I want to do.  

                

            That is a long, long list. A list with a lot of entries marked as done, and a lot more entries waiting to be crossed out. And I can't see myself not doing all of those before I die.

             There was I time that I kinda felt sick of it all, all the busy work and the all nighters and all the hassles of running things and fixing things and getting things and finding things and making things and making things work. 

             Then it hit me, "what am I whining about when I'm doing precisely what I've always wanted to do?"

I realized I wasn’t sick of being busy; I was sick of doing only one of the things I want to do, and not ALL the things I want to do.

 I was so sick of me being busy that I forgot to see what was I was actually doing. I was doing what I’ve always wanted to do. I may get butt-rape busy regularly but that’s part of the deal. (I dunno if that adjective works, I heard it somewhere and it sounds about right). I have to always keep in mind –nay - I have to always be thankful that I’m living my dream, or at least I’m on the right track. I am blessed to have a couple of ventures and get to play poker. So I'm done being negative about being busy because being busy is part of what I want to do. I can do without the negativity and reap the rewards and the happiness from doing the things I want to do.

So I go ahead and bite of more than I can chew, then I chew it. Who says I can't train and take wall climbing and play poker and handle businesses and learn how to juggle? What the mind can conceive, the body can achieve. I've always conceived it, now I'm on my way to achieving it.

I'm quite happy doing the things I do. 

Killing in the Name of... Grinding?

My girlfriend recently dug up Hitman: Silent Assassin and was asked me to play it with her .Well, it's a single player game so it's more like taking turns in trying strategies to get a Silent Assassin rating. While we were playing, she gets miffed when I just go guns a' blazing when I can't wait long enough for a silent kill. Kind of odd since I've finished this game at least twice before, and I've always regarded this installment of Hitman as the easiest. (Hitman Contracts takes the cake for challenge, Hitman Bloodmoney had better graphics and control but the challenge was meh). Then it hit me: this sounds eerily familiar to me. It sounds a lot like my poker recently, just substitute "guns a' blazing" with "spazz" and "silent kill" with "a better spot".

I mentioned this to my girlfriend. Her suggestion: Finish the game as a Silent Assassin before starting grinding seriously again.And the more I think about it, the more it sounds like a good idea. If I can't even be patient with something recreational like this game, then how can I expect to be patient in my grinding? If in my ventures, my impatience may get results (usually because the people I handle feel like they need to give results right away around me), but it doesn't really translate well to poker, and it doesn't work all the time. Maybe I still carry that mentality from the busy weeks I've had recently - and that has to go.

Anyway, it's nice to learn things about yourself;  Poker is all about self improvement anyway. It also helps a lot to have someone who cares so much about you that she supports you in everything you do, even if she doesn't particularly like what it is you do.

Bankroll Management Update ++

I will be going down two limits and will be employing a more conservative 50BI rule (will maybe change this to 40). This is to focus more on play than on going up, and reduce if not eliminate the feeling that my bankroll is threatened. I have to really watch how I play because recently I've been a spew machine (check previous post). Reviewing my hands was downright disgusting. Time to focus on improving my play, improving my patience and to not fixate on monetary goals and the number of hands I play. Maybe it's also a good time to try and implement that bankroll management system with the reward system. It maybe also a good time to start teaching my roommate poker, I heard teaching helps your personal game. Fingers crossed guys. Might need help soon so stay tuned.

*KAPOW!* *SOCK!* *WHAM!* *BIFF!*

"Holy knuckle duster Berto!!! Why are you punching yourself?!"

Because I made a stupid noob moronic play with AQ, that's why. I knew I was behind. I knew he had AK, only an AK would flat a 3bet in position and repop a cbet on an A high board. I knew it, I was absolutely sure of it, I was entirely convinced he had AK. Honest to goodness, I even felt it. How the holy hell did I conclude that 3bet shoving would be the best thing to do? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!


Because I'm still feeling rushed, that's why. I'm still rushing the big pots because I'm still in a race for time. I've been too busy these past few weeks that my poker time is so limited. And when I grind I feel like I'm on a time limit and that I should make the most out of it. That usually makes me do stupid things.


I think I'm gonna go down in limit for now to find my rhythm, much like what Albert is doing. It's better than having to move down bankrollwise, which is a little discouraging. I'm doing this to take the edge off, which is going to allow me to make a better grind structure, one that allows for some compromise without throwing a wrench in other aspects of my life. In theory I can think clearly when my bankroll is not as threatened, and the previous limit is the limit I crushed the most. I seek to find my rhythm, have some structure, build some confidence and get some momentum going.

I'M GOING TO FIND MY RHYTHM. I AM GOING TO FIND MY CENTER. I AM GOING TO MAKE THE RIGHT DECISIONS. I WILL NOT THINK ABOUT PROFITS OR TIME. I'M GOING TO CRUSH IT. LET'S DO THIS!

The Unintentional New Year's Resolution Blog Entry

I've been hella busy these few weeks. My sister came back from Japan for the holidays, and together with the other stuff I have to handle it wasn't really a vacation for me. It was more like "Oh you wanna take a break from playing? Good timing, here's a bunch of stuff you have to do". And do stuff I did. Now I'm still in the process of winding down and recuperating. Got a very stiff shoulder from carrying luggage and kids, and it hurts so bad it's messing with my sleep. It feels like my back muscles are crawling under my shoulder blade, and it even makes snapping noises when I move it. I need to treat myself to a massage quick.

Speaking of quick, I played only 5 quick sessions in that whole busy period. And I was up in all of em. Quick sessions really suit me it seems. That or being busy with other stuff suits me - that would be something. Though I did drop 2BI on my first grind of 2011. It was the usual variance + resulting tilt, but it could've been much better. I place the blame on the lack of preparation. I just jumped in there without proper preconditioning and singlemindedness ended up playing without patience and focus. I still have to work on that pre-game ritual. That's goal number one.

Speaking of singlemindedness, I really have to finish the 8 fold path to poker enlightenment - without spacing out or falling asleep. Man I just can't sit through an hour of voice-overs with clipart floating around. Tried to look for PDF transcripts of it but I didn't find any. I guess now's a good time to work on my attention span anyway. I'm making this my second goal for this year, to finish this goddamn series.

Been studying my play lately. It seems I'm breaking out into the LAGgy kinda playing. On one hand it feels nice to know I've come far from my nitty TAGfish days. On the other hand, I'm not used to the swings. I'm finding it hard to look at the EV of the play when it fails. I'm feeling like Mike Matusow sometimes - that it's either a stroke of brilliance or a blowup. I usually pick good spots to apply pressure, but there are times when I make -EV plays against my better judgement. And the problem is once it fails I seem to be more affected than I should, leading to further spewing. I guess that's the ego talking. I had a good chat with Albert about this after I read his blog. He had a similar experience after graduating from the program - something like a gross overestimation of progress or skill level or something. Then he gave me some good advice: Go back to your roots and regain your rhythm. Look for that feeling or level of confidence that you had when you were still grinding (and winning) in the training. Hmm, naming this goal #3 seems wrong. THIS IS MY PRIMARY GOAL, and all the others just support this.

Speaking of training, I'm seriously considering playing short handed. I believe I will learn a lot from short handed holdem that I can apply to FR games. Sadly, it doesn't really work as well the other way around. And since my game is really opening up nowadays, maybe now's a good time to try my hand in short handed games again. From my untrained and uninitiated point of view, I think short handed touches more on  reading and finding profitable spots to apply pressure than in Full Ring. I feel I need that kind of structure. Is there such a thing as an optional goal? Or a goal-to-be? Well, this is it.

Not a big fan of New Year's resolutions, but what do you know, I unintentionally made some anyway. Hmmm, that'd make a good title.